Take a deep breath as we go

さぁ、何がお望み？

A Coming Out Story

  • I'd felt this way as long I could remember. I'd hoped it wasn't true. I'd hoped somehow I could make it go away and live what I thought then was a "normal" life. But when you have a secret and you have to tell somebody before it kills you, your parents seem like both the best and worst place to start.
  • Me: Mom, Dad. I think I --
  • Mom: What is it?
  • Me: I think I'm smart.
  • Mom: How can you know something like that? You're still just a child!
  • Me: I've been looking at stuff. Stuff I'm not supposed to.
  • Dad: Stuff like what?
  • Me: Stuff like -- like PBS.
  • Dad: Oh, that's nothing! I did that when I was your age. Most of it was youthful hijinks, like ZOOM, Zee Double-Oh Em, Box Three-Five-Oh --
  • Me: Stuff with British people.
  • Mom: Oh, dear God!
  • Dad: It's just a phase. You'll grow out of it.
  • Me: It's what I am, Dad. I'm smart.
  • Dad: No son of mine is smart, you hear me? You're not smart!
  • Mom: Have you prayed about it? Maybe God can change you.
  • Me: The church doesn't like smart people. They killed Galileo.
  • Dad: Well, that guy was asking for it.
  • Mom: Honey, don't start.
  • Dad: "The Earth revolves the sun"? He could've kept that to himself. What difference did it make? He was *flaunting* it.
  • Me: Do you think I "flaunt" it?
  • Dad: We've had our suspicions.
  • Mom: Stop it!
  • Dad: You never liked LEGOs.
  • Me: They're architecturally unsound as a building material! No self-respecting contractor would use them in a major construction!
  • Dad: You could *try*! How do you know you're smart if you don't try something else? You might like Pauly Shore movies or Cheez Whiz or the musical stylings of Boxcar Willie and Slim Whitman.
  • Mom: You don't know what the smart lifestyle is like, son. They blow every grading curve they can get their hands on. It makes people sick to their stomachs.
  • Me: I can't help it. I can't deny what I am for other people any more. I'm smart.
  • Dad: You did this to him! You made him like this!
  • Mom: It's not my fault!
  • Dad: When he was a baby, the two of you were always together -- the flash cards, the beads --
  • Me: You mean an abacus.
  • Dad: Don't be a *smart-ass*!
  • Mom: Honey!
  • Me: Please don't call me that, Dad. We don't like that term.
  • Mom: Maybe it was someone else. Some older smart person who tried to make you *think* you're smart. Did a teacher ever touch you inappropriately? Y'know, inspire you, make you feel smart "like them"?
  • Me: Miss Wickes. My math teacher.
  • Dad: I knew it! The public schools are tearing this country apart! You deliver your child to their doorstep and they give him back to you *smart*!
  • Me: She made being smart sound fun. And it was fun. Instead of seeing math like homework, it became a puzzle. The first time I thought I might be smart -- oh, Mama -- I liked it!
  • Dad: Well, if that school made you smart, they can change you back!
  • Me: It didn't make me smart. I was born this way. It made me see how wonderfully, beautifully, flamboyantly smart I really am!
  • Mom: Well, you know what the church says: "Love the scientist, hate the science."
  • Me: You can't do that, Mom. You can't separate what a person is from what he does. I think smart, I act smart, I like smart people -- I am smart.
  • Dad: I want you out of this house! With your smart talk and smart friends -- you people think secretly, way down deep inside, *everybody* is smart!
  • Me: We really don't, Dad. We do not think that at all.
  • Mom: Son, you're not going anywhere. You're our child and we love you. If you're smart, we'll learn to live with it. We'll adjust. Look at it from our side. We never knew a smart person up close before we met you.
  • Me: Mom, Dad -- I love you, too.
  • Dad: I'm sorry, son. I'm -- I'm just so scared for you. Every day I see how hard this world is on smart people. I wanted something different for you.
  • Me: I know, Dad. I'm sorry. I know I don't fit in.
  • Dad: Listen to your old man -- you hang in there. Right now people will hate you for what you are. They'll call you names and say hurtful things to you. But some day, when you're far away from here, in a different place, with different people, you'll see for yourself: it gets dumber.
  • france: ten
  • france: twenty
  • france: thirty
  • france: forty
  • france: fifty
  • france: sixty
  • france:
  • france:
  • france: sixty ten
  • world: france what are you do—
  • france: four twenties
  • world: france stop it
  • france: four twenties ten
  • world: france that doesn't even make any sense
  • france:
  • france:
  • france:
  • world:
  • france:
  • world:
  • france: hundred.

Quello che ti serve è qualcuno che ti sconvolga l’ esistenza, che ti cambi la vita, non lo stato sentimentale su facebook.

—Non mi ricordo dove l’ ho letta , ad ogni modo chiunque sia, è un genio. (via don-tbelievethetruth)